


Meant to Be

by angryjester



Category: Original Work
Genre: Complete, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Strong Language, brief domestic violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-18 20:54:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14860127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angryjester/pseuds/angryjester
Summary: an original work about a man and his one true love.WARNINGS: If you are sensitive to heavy drug abuse/addiction, implied/referenced suicide, language, and domestic violence, this story might not be for you. Viewer discretion advised.





	Meant to Be

**Author's Note:**

> again, i preface this, viewer discretion is heavily advised. 
> 
> with that out of the way, welcome back (or just welcome in general) to one of my works. i know that up until thus far, i’ve been uploading fanfiction. 
> 
> while i can’t guarantee that i won’t post any more fanfiction, i also cannot guarantee that i will. i’m trying to grow and develop a persona and “career” as a writer, and my only way to do that is through original works. regardless of if people actually read this, i’m going to post it so i can grow as a writer and creator.
> 
> with that said, this story is certainly not for those easily triggered. i’m sorry. i tried to do research to make this legitimate, but if some things are innaccurate i really am sorry. i don’t personally deal with this kind of thing, so without that experience i was trying to be as sensitive as i could possibly be. 
> 
> if you read this, i thank you. it means a lot. to actually let you read my story, i’m gonna stop here. 
> 
> i really do hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> -ashleigh

**if you skipped the note, i will once again state: this story is not for the faint of heart. if you want a more detailed reason why some of the things in this piece may be innacurate, i highly suggest reading the note. i don’t mean to offend anyone, and if i do, i am sorry.**

 

**Meant to Be**

**By Ashleigh Eaton**

 

Nathan was 15 when he had first fallen in love. 

 

The beautiful young lad was charming and funny, a kind and familiar voice to give input and cute ears to listen when no one else would. On top of that, he had a beautiful mind. He was different... that was for sure. 

 

The thing was, they had met completely on accident. Nathan had been drunk, and had stumbled into the woods with a giggle and hiccup to back him up. Because Nate had been so blitzed, he didn’t really find it all that strange when the man suddenly appeared in front of him, concern clouding his vision and full lips tilted into a frown. 

 

Without thinking, Nathan laughed in the mans face with a slurred “You’re cute!” to follow. 

 

The man didn’t seem to mind.

 

———-

 

Nathan didn’t remember leaving the woods that first night. In fact, he didn’t really remember any of his encounter other than a cute boy with a concerned voice as his only alibi. However, he certainly remembered his visit the second time. 

 

This time much less drunk (but with still no real recollection of how he ended up in the _extremely foggy, he noted_ , woods), he decided to consciously search for the man he remembered in his hazy repertoire. 

 

Seeing him in person and sober was much better than seeing him in person and drunk. The man was almost ethereal, carrying an air of grace and beauty that Nate only wish he could possess. 

 

The man froze under Nathan’s hard glare. He looked concerned, almost frightened at the sort-of dead look in Nate’s eyes. 

 

“Wow,” the boy breathed out under his breath, certainly not realizing how much he was staring, “You’re gorgeous.”

 

“Thank you?” The man chuckled awkwardly and rubbed his hand on his neck, “I’m sorry, who are you?”

 

Nathan shook his head and fixed his facial expression, setting an awkward smile on his lips and extending his hand, “I’m Nathan. I think we’ve met once before...”

 

Something seemed to click in the man’s brain, “Oh, you were that drunk kid, right?!”

 

Nate’s face heated up, “Depending on how many of those you see, maybe.”

 

“I’m just messing with you,” The ethereal being rolled his eyes and shook Nate’s hand, “I remember you, Nathan. Do you remember me?”

 

Nathan blinked at their conjoined hands a couple of times, “Uh... kind of? I don’t remember your name.”

 

“It’s Diesel,” the being - _Diesel_ \- reminded gently as he removed his hand, “It’s a pleasure to see you again, Nate.”

 

With Diesel’s little head tilt and smile, Nate knew he was in deep already. 

 

———

 

Sure enough, Nate returned to Diesel without fail pretty often. He would show up and leave at what he could guess was the same time, considering his lack of knowledge of how he got there and where he went when he left. 

 

Nate was sure he was in love already, regardless of how long he had actually known the boy. He just felt an affinity to him; a draw that pulled him in and refused to let him go. 

 

Knowing the boy, Nate was convinced, was like an addiction. Nate certainly didn’t want to get help for his little addiction, though. 

 

It had been a day like any other. Nate had shown up, seeked out Diesel and whatever he had been doing (hunting, whittling - “You actually whittle?” “So? It’s a good past time.” - or anything in between). 

 

Their usual conversation of joking taunts and laughter took a sharp turn when Diesel suddenly stopped Nate and turned him to look him in the eye.

 

“You need to listen to me very carefully,” Diesel started, putting his hands on Nate’s shoulders and shaking him gently, “Are you afraid of the dark?”

 

Nate was dumbfounded. 

 

_“What?”_

 

“You heard me. Are you afraid of the dark?”

 

The younger boy blinked at the man in front of him carefully, before shaking his head ‘ _no_ ’ and cocking an eyebrow, “Why do you ask?”

 

Diesel’s signature grin returned a moment later, “I have a surprise for you.”

 

“I feel like I should be worried,” Nate started as he watched Diesel’s back walk away from him for a moment before he hurried after him. 

 

Diesel turned his head over his shoulder at Nate, “Trust me,” He added a wink for good measure, “There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

 

That easily quelled Nate’s questions and calmed his fear. 

 

_God, the effect this boy has is unreal._

__

_~~————~~ _

__

“Diesel~” Nate whined as he trailed after the older male, “Are we almost there?”

 

“So impatient,” The man huffed, “Yes, we’re almost there.”

 

The tone of Diesel’s voice silenced Nathan. 

 

Within a couple more minutes, and after a few more whines from Nathan, the two boys had finally arrived at what Diesel was taking him to; a fence with a half fallen “DANGER” sign was propped open on the bottom, and the fog was thicker in this area of the realm. The boys wouldn’t be able to see their hand when held up in front of them if they crossed through the gate. 

 

Before Nathan could fully grasp the conversation, Diesel was crouching close to the ground and pulling the fence higher so he could squeeze through.

 

“Are you coming?”

 

Nathan didn’t understand that he was already moving to slide underneath the fence before he came up with an answer to the question. He would be perfectly content to stay on the other side of the fence. 

 

But as proven by previous encounters, Nathan was quick to please Diesel regardless of what he wanted or not.

 

~~That’s love, right?~~

 

When Diesel made it through to the other side of the fence, Nate quickly grasped onto his hand, seeking comfort in something familiar in this strange environment. 

 

Diesel chuckled at the action and pulled Nate closer to him, navigating through the foggy landscape easily, “Are you scared?”

 

“Pft-“ Nate waved the air with his feee hand as he looked around wearily, “Absolutely _not_.”

 

Diesel brought his lips together to hold back a smile and make a hum of fake agreement, causing Nate to slap him on the shoulder and whine about how he was serious. 

 

Contrary to Nathan’s condition, who seemed genuinely confused as to which way was up or down, Diesel seemed to know exactly where he was going. He pulled Nate along easily, telling him when to jump over something or when to step down. 

 

Something about how much Diesel frequented the area made Nathan uneasy. 

 

Eventually, Diesel had disconnected their hands and pushed Nate gently in front of him, telling him to walk forward until he saw the entrance to the mine. He had reassured him that he would be one step behind him with a hand on his shoulder to guide him when he saw the panicked look on the boy’s face. Eventually, said boy caved and he stared walking cautiously forward, hands outstretched to find the structure he couldn’t see in the fog. 

 

Nathan’s foot found the structure before his eyes did. 

 

“Mother-“ He started as he hopped backward with a hiss, pulling his covered foot to his chest and wheezing slightly. 

 

Diesel looked on with amusement, “You alright there?”

 

“Dandy,” Nate spat back as he shook his foot back and forth, “Thanks for asking.”

 

With another laugh, Diesel turned his attention back to where the structure is, reaching a hand out for Nathan’s to guide him into the catacombs. 

 

“I’m gonna ask you one last time,” Diesel turned serious at Nate’s gaze, “Are you afraid of the dark?”

 

“No,” the boy answered confidently, tugging on the elder’s hand as a reassurance for himself more than the other male. 

 

“Good,” Diesel started as he turned back to the abandoned mine, “because this place is really dark.”

 

Nathan rolled his eyes as he followed his companions lead and ducked under the metal bar ‘guarding’ the entrance, “Gee, I couldn’t tell by you asking a billion times.”

 

Diesel turned back to the boy with a playful glare, “I asked you three times,” he held up his fingers for emphasis, “not a billion.”

 

“Whatever,” Nate pushed at Diesel’s bicep and laughed as he followed him down the admittedly very dark corridors the mine provided. 

 

———-

 

“Shit,” Diesel muttered under his breath as the two hit another wrong turn, “I think we’re lost.”

 

“Lost?!” Nathan exclaimed, “What do you mean we’re lost? I thought you knew your way around here perfectly?”

 

“So did I,” Diesel said between grit teeth, “But we’ll get out of here.”

 

Nathan tugged on the older male’s shirt, “How can I tell you’re not lying and that we won’t just be lost in here for all eternity?”

 

The man stopped abruptly, causing Nathan to run straight into his back. Nate winced and rubbed at his forehead in a futile attempt to make the pain go away. 

 

“Do you trust me?” Diesel asked seriously after he turned around, “Because that’s a serious need for what I’m about to do.”

 

“I don’t know if I trust you,” Nate tried as he crossed his arms and dug the toe of his shoe into the ground, “You haven’t done anything for me to trust you.”

 

Before Nate could think about what was going on, Diesel had grabbed his face and planted his lips firmly on Nate’s. Nate responded without really thinking about it.

 

“Do you trust me now?” Diesel asked after they had separated, cocking an eyebrow and resting his hands on the other’s shoulders.

 

“Yep,” Nate’s voice cracked as he nodded his head, “Yes I do.”

 

Diesel gave his little smile and head tilt combo that killed Nate, “Good, because I think I know how to get out of here.”

 

———

 

Nathan woke up in his own room. He wasn’t exactly sure when he went to sleep, or what day it was when he was waking up. All he noticed was the intense itching in his elbow crease as he attempted to move his arm. 

 

He also felt extremely sick for some reason.

 

Where was Diesel? How did they get out of the mind and how did he get home without remembering?

 

Before any of these questions could be logically answered, Nathan passed back out. 

 

———

 

Nathan visited Diesel every day, sometimes more than once. The time spent with Diesel and the time in his room or his house blurred together, until all Nate remembered was the foggy terrain where Diesel would greet him with a kiss and a smile. 

 

Without fail, the older male always knew when he was showing up, much to Nate’s amazement. 

 

After many months since the mine, after a year or two of knowing Diesel, Nathan finally felt content. He had gathered by this point that he probably depended on Diesel’s personality too much for his own gain, but as long as Diesel wasn’t bored of him, Nate wasn’t one to complain. 

 

_Especially_ not when he was finally getting the love he so desperately needed.

 

“You know,” Nathan brought up one day after they had done some improper things, “It’s really not fair that you look the same every year and I have to get older and eventually ugly.”

 

“Well, you’re not yet,” Diesel responded with a poke to Nate’s cheek, “In fact, I prefer you now at 18 then you at 15.”

 

Nate sat up and looked down at Diesel’s laying figure, “I just realized that I don’t know how old you are. And that I never actually told you my age.”

 

“My age is unimportant,” the man dodged the question quickly, “And it wasn’t hard to tell how old you were - _are_. You looked like a baby a few years ago, and now you don’t. Problem solved.”

 

Nate cocked an eyebrow and Diesel continued, “Most people tend to meet me around early teenage years.”

 

“So there are others,” Nathan drawled quietly, fiddling with his fingers as he eyed his pile of clothes to his left, “I had a hunch, you know.”

 

“You act like it’s a big deal,” Diesel waved the comment off with a wave of his hand, “It’s not like there was many before you, and none as old as you, so you take first place. You’ve made it the longest.” 

 

“Should that make me feel good?” Nathan laughed bitterly as he reached over for his jeans and baseball tee, “Because it really doesn’t.”

 

Diesel reached his arm out to Nate’s bicep and gripped it tightly, “What’s wrong with you? You were fine a minute ago.”

 

Nathan really didn’t have the energy to deal with Diesel that day, “I’m fine. Just let me go, please.”

 

The man was hesitant, but obliged. Not before squeezing his bicep a little tighter, though.

 

“I love you, you know?”

 

“I love you too.”

 

———-

 

Nathan was finally starting to realize that he has a serious problem with Diesel. 

 

It’s been something steady, something that Nathan had been too blind to see in the beginning. He didn’t notice that Diesel just wasn’t as emotionally as invested as Nate was, and whenever he realized it, it stung like hell. 

 

But how do you begin to change feelings that aren’t yours?

 

“Diesel...” Nate had started meekly one night on the leaves, fingers toying with the hem of Diesel’s shirt as he forced his lips off of his. 

 

The ethereal being cocked an eyebrow, “Yes?”

 

Nathan inhaled deeply, cutting his brown eyes to Diesel’s bright blue ones, “I’ve just been feeling like you’re not as invested as I am, is all.”

 

“Oh, sweetheart,” Diesel threw his head back in laughter, “you can’t seriously think that, can you?”

 

Nathan averted his eyes and retracted his hands, “It’s just that you never really seem excited to see me unless it’s for sex or something else in your own personal favor, is all.”

 

Diesel stopped laughing abruptly, “Wait,” He pulled Nate’s chin up, “You’re serious?”

 

“I mean...” Nathan drawled as he squinted at Diesel’s annoyingly perfect face, “...Yes?”

 

“You can’t seriously think that,” Diesel scoffed incredulously, “After everything we’ve done together? Everything I’ve done for you?”

 

Nathan remained silent, and Diesel continued, “If anything, I should be concerned about YOUR loyalties and where they lie.”

 

“Why?” Nathan whispered, “What have I done for you not to trust me?”

 

“Maybe it’s the fact that you don’t trust me?” Diesel asked as he pushed Nathan out of his lap and onto to the ground, eyes burning with an unreasonable fury. This wasn’t the man Nathan met years ago, was it? “A relationship kind of requires two-way trust, Nathan.”

 

“I do trust you,” The boy tried, voice refusing to go higher than a few octaves, “I do trust you, Diesel...”

 

“Do you?” The man snapped as he stared Nathan down, “Because I really don’t think you do.”

 

When Nathan tried to open his mouth to respond, Diesel promptly slapped him across the face. 

 

“Maybe that’ll put you in your fucking place,” Diesel hissed as he turned around and walked towards the mine they had been to so long ago, leaving a stunned 18 year old with eyes blown wide from fear and betrayal. 

 

Nathan just wished to go home. 

 

It’s a shame he didn’t know how.

 

———

 

When Nathan awoke, he was surprisingly lucid. He was aware of the ceiling above him; of his stiff joints from disuse. 

 

Alas, he still didn’t know what day it was. He couldn’t tell you when he went to sleep, or the last time he went to bed properly and remembering it was. 

 

At least some things never change, though. His old pal nausea was with him, as per usual. The familiar itching in his elbow remained where it was. If Nathan were to describe the amount of discomfort it held, he could compare it to a serious case of dry skin. 

 

When he forced his head to look at his elbow, though, he couldn’t say he was shocked. He suddenly remembered. 

 

_Ah._ You again. 

 

When had the needles broken?

 

No matter.

 

Nathan swung his legs over the side of the bed, ignoring the loud crunch of glass as he stumbled his way out of his door and to the staircase. Admittedly, he looked down it warily as he shook his feet to get blood in them before beginning the seemingly hellish decent down to the kitchen. 

 

Three years ago, this would have been easy. 

 

When Nathan eventually made it down the stairs and to the kitchen, he couldn’t help but notice his mother’s note on the kitchen table. 

 

Nathan,

I couldn’t make you breakfast this morning, but dinner’s left overs are in the fridge since you were passed out before I got home. 

Please eat it. I don’t want you hungry. 

Love,

Mom

 

Nathan stared at the note blankly, the words on the page appearing to be gibberish. A language he didn’t speak. 

 

He groggily heated up the pasta in the fridge and trudged back to his room, leaving the note untouched as he slowly made his way back to his fortress of solitude. 

 

It wouldn’t surprise his mother. This was not the first time. 

 

When Nathan finally made it back to his room, he subconsciously searched his worn and disgusting bed for a needle that was actually ready for use. To see if there was some left. 

 

When Nate eventually found one, he sighed in relief. He would have to refill it, of course, but he found one. 

 

That was enough for him. 

 

————

 

Time with Diesel slowly became more and more unbearable. The more Nathan hung out with the man, the more violent he got, constantly throwing Nathan’s body around like a rag-doll. 

 

The worst of it, however, wasn’t the blows. The worst part, Nathan decided, was that Diesel seemed to enjoy every little wound or mark he inflicted on his so-called lover. 

 

Another thing, to add onto how shitty Nathan felt like his life was becoming, was that Diesel was _changing._

And while it’s normal for people to change physically, not in the way that Diesel had begun changing. Slowly but surely, as Nathan continued to go to the foggy forest and Diesel continued to beat on him, the man he had come to know became less of a man and more of a monster. 

 

First of all, and the most jarring change, was that he had pretty much dropped a physical form. He had become a shadow, a beast that could harm but not be attacked. An all powerful being, and something that scared Nathan shitless. 

 

If Nathan were to be honest with himself, Diesel had slowly morphed into a permanent residence of Stephen King’s _It_ ; the amalgamation of his biggest fears. 

 

But because this thing, this creature, _used_ to be Diesel, Nathan could not let it go. Through all the beatings, through all the pain Nathan kept himself in, Nathan still felt a connection and dependence to the beast, regardless of how much he hated himself for it. He relied on this faceless creature because at one point it wasn’t faceless, and wore fake expressions to keep him in it’s clutch constantly. 

 

Nathan convinced himself that he was beaten out of love. 

 

Ignorance is bliss, he had decided. 

 

———

 

Liquid ecstasy pooled under Nathan’s arm as he broke yet another needle. He couldn’t be bothered to care with the incessant and annoying knocking at his door. 

 

“Nathan?” 

 

It was his mother. Of course it was his mother.

 

“Sweetheart, are you coming out soon?” His mother’s voice was hesitant, but the concern was palpable even through the door, “You haven’t been out in days, and dinner’s ready...”

 

At the silence that greeted her, she sighed and called out, “come down when you’re ready.”

 

From his high or the stairs?

 

Nathan couldn’t give an answer to the question his mind posed. 

 

Glancing to his right, the blooded sheets and shards of glass hardly shocked him anymore. He got up wordlessly, choosing to forgo looking at his no doubt bloodied clothes as he stripped and looked at himself in the mirror on his closet door. 

 

He almost did recognize himself. 

 

Before Nathan had met Diesel, he had been in pretty good physical shape. He didn’t have abs, but he had the beginnings of muscle definition and pretty decently sized calves and biceps. 

 

Now, three years later, Nathan was the skinniest he’d ever been. If he had to guess, he would supply that he was at least 90 pounds, if his knobby knees and sunken stomach were anything to go by. He wasn’t tall, but 90 pounds isn’t a good weight for any grown adult well over 5 feet. 

 

His face was thin and his eyes were bloodshot. His eyes hung in sunken pools of purples and blacks, the only accentuating features the veins in his eyes. 

 

_Who are you?_

 

Shaking his head to rid himself of this thought, Nathan wretched the closet door open and found the biggest sweatshirt he could find. Not bothering to change out of the significantly less bloodied and very baggy sweatpants, Nathan grabbed the handle to his door. 

 

It was now that he was finally realizing that this would show his mother he wasn’t dead. He was alive, even if he wasn’t the same. 

 

He didn’t know if he wanted to do that. 

 

———-

 

Looking like a wreck but refusing to acknowledge it, Nathan marched down the stairs in fake confidence. 

 

His mother, alternatively, looked the most lively Nathan had seen her in a while. Her make up had been done, her hair pinned up precisely, and her work clothes nicely fit her frame. 

 

To Nathan, dressing this nice meant something was up. 

 

“Hey, honey,” His mom started with a bright smile and hesitant eyes, “dinner’s going to be put on the table soon.”

 

Grunting, Nathan managed to drag himself over the the table and sit down. Slamming his head on the table from fatigue, he groaned loudly and didn’t move until seeming moments later when his mom poked his elbow with a fork cautiously. 

 

“Are you hungry?” She asked softly, gesturing to the bowl of pasta sitting in the bowl on the table. Nathan’s mother had already scooped a little bit onto a plate, holding the plate and fork out for Nathan to take. 

 

Nathan took it with a tired smile in her direction, “Thank you, mom.”

 

She smiled back with just as much sadness as he did fatigue, “You’re welcome.”

 

————-

 

The rest of the dinner followed an awkward and silent pattern. 

 

Nathan barely touched his food unless he was picking at it, pushing the noodles and broccoli around the plate in a clockwise motion. He wasn’t hungry. 

 

His mother cleared her throat uncomfortably to get her son’s attention. 

 

“Nate,” she tried softly, “Do you mind if we talk?”

 

The son merely shrugged his shoulders. 

 

His mother sighed again, “I know what you’re doing, Nate.”

 

...

 

“What?”

 

Nathan’s mother choked back a sob, “Nathan, I know what I see when you come downstairs. I see blood, I see glass, I see bloodshot eyes...”

 

Nathan’s eye twitched, “And?”

 

“And I’m worried!” The mother shouted, not bothering to choke her sobs back anymore, “I don’t know how to help you if you won’t let me, Nathan.”

 

“Have you ever thought about the possibility that I don’t want help?” Nathan asked coldly, not meeting his mother’s eyes. He knew it was a bad idea to come down today. 

 

His mother stared at him in shock, “...Nathan, you don’t mean that, do you?”

 

“You don’t know anything about me!” Nathan finally snapped as he shot up from his chair, “So stop trying to act like you know what I mean!”

 

“Nathan-“ His mother tried again, reaching over the table as her son stepped away from her.

 

“No, mom,” Nathan responded as he turned his back and walked up the stairs, “dinner is over.”

 

Not bothering to hide her anguish anymore, the grieving mother went to the kitchen and got the phone. With shaking hands, she reached into the pocket on her breast and read the hotline for drug addicts families who want the best for them. She looked at the phone in her hand, knuckles turning white as she debated calling the number. 

 

Eventually, she caved.

 

“Hello?” The broken woman’s voice whispered through the kitchen, “Is there any way I can get someone to bring my son to a hospital? I can’t take him there myself and I don’t want to call the cops...”

 

The service did it for her. 

 

———

 

The new shot in Nate’s veins brought forth Diesel yet again. At this point, the man was visiting him out of pure habit than want. 

 

Even if he hated this place though, there would always be the piece of him that thought the real Diesel would come back. He had to. 

 

“Diesel,” Nathan started hesitantly, “Can we stop this? We’re really hurting mom.”

 

“Do I _look_ like I care?” Came the rude remark from all around what Diesel had once dubbed as “Nathan’s Field”. Now, the name left a bitter taste in the 18 year old’s mouth. 

 

Nathan remarked sarcastically, “I guess not if you’re a shadow. I can’t exactly _see_ how you look, Diesel.”

 

“You little-“ Just as Nathan saw that familiar black rush towards him, he realized that the surroundings of the woods was fading. 

 

“Nathan?” Diesel called hesitantly, “What’s going on?”

 

“I don’t really know,” Nate responded nonchalantly, “And I don’t really care. Goodbye for now, Diesel!”

 

“Wait!-“

 

—

 

The cold bucket of water being dumped onto Nathan’s torso caused the man to gasp into consciousness. Looking up to glare at whoever disturb his “precious” time, he was met face to face with a stranger. 

 

Said stranger then multiplied into three, all of them wearing a badge of the law. 

 

Fuck. 

 

“Uh, hey officer?”

 

Ignoring the man’s remark, the three police officers forcefully grabbed him and dragged him out of bed. Nathan didn’t have it in him to put up a fight. 

 

As Nathan was being carried down the stairs and past the kitchen, he spotted his mother sobbing at the table, repeating a mantra of “I’m so, so sorry,” and “My baby”. Nathan had never felt guiltier of something. 

 

His mom didn’t hear it, but he let out a quiet “I’m sorry for everything” as he was dragged out the door and forced into a cop car, bloodied elbows and shirt drying as he sat. 

 

————-

 

_Breaking news: 18 year old in rehabilitation center commits suicide_

 

_Late last night, eighteen-year old Nathan Preston was found dead in his private room in the rehabilitation center by his home in Pasadena, California. The young man had been admitted to the center three months prior to his death for a serious addiction to heroine, on account of his mother’s call._

_Beside his bed side, there was a note scrawled out;_

 

Mom,

 

I’m really sorry. None of this was ever your fault, and will ever be your fault. I know you’ll beat yourself up from what I’m going to do, which is why I tell you this. 

 

I’d assume that because you had me, you had been in love once before. If the pictures of you and dad were anything to go by, I reckon that that still stands true to this day. 

 

Love isn’t always sunshine and happiness, but love is certainly a wonderful thing. It’s a wonderful kind of pain. Some would argue that if there is so much pain, why go through the trouble?

 

Because you love them. You really do. 

 

And now, that’s why I’m going through this trouble. 

 

The drug I had been on had been disastrous yes, but it also had the one thing to keep me going. It sounds silly, because I guess you could say that I fell in love with something that doesn’t have a gender. I fell in love with something that isn’t even living. 

 

But the great thing about having a conscious mind is that you can make up things and people. 

 

So, I did. I made up a wonderful, beautiful boyfriend who meant the world to me. He was my ideal type, the ideal partner for my life. He fit me like a glove. I was so happy...

 

Why did you take that away from me, mom? To help me?

 

Mom, I’m so, so far gone that it’s impossible to bring me back. I’m one of those boats who strayed too far into the ocean, and this is the price I have to pay. 

 

I can’t live without him, mom. I can’t. 

 

We were meant to be together, till death do us part. 

 

Love,

Your son, Nathan

 

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact: diesel is a street name for heroine.


End file.
